Yeah at that point I wasn't so calm. And when you are screaming so loudly that you don't want to go to bed and now you are going to do what I said because you are in trouble it really is time for bed. I don't care if you want to go or not. I want to go to bed.
The therapists have told us that Smiley draws rain in all her pictures. It represents sadness for her. So when she had her second crying jag within in about of picking her up I was racking my brain. And the thought hit me so hard I actually gasped. Today we had the first rain storm since she's lived with us. (Because we live in Chicago and we move have had snow storm after snow storm.) I wonder if there was a trauma event when it was raining.
It could be that or the other triggers of not a normal routine due to spring break and a visit tomorrow. Smiley refused to talk to Sheila during her call and then broke down afterwards saying she missed her mom.
Simon also struggled today. He wasn't following directions and I had to raise my voice because he was acting silly in a parking lot. He also left the grocery bag with the fresh bread in it on the floor and the dog managed to eat it before I caught the mistake. He feels so deeply and was so upset with himself I ended up popping him up on my hip like a toddler to help him calm down.
These kids were neglected and they have no idea how to self sooth. And I am a yeller by nature so I have to really work to keep that in check. Overcoming the neglect is going to be hard work. Even though I have three kids who should be able to do a lot on their own they really need mothering and attention like three two year olds would.
I have a feeling Thursdays are going to be rough for a while.
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