I went back this week and read the December 2013 posts I wrote. It was 3 years ago that my kids moved in. I find it helpful to peak at what was going on as it's a good reminder of how far we have come. In doing so, I was reminded that December has been a pretty trying time for us and for me. It also happens to be busy season at work as I write contracts that mostly begin on the first of a calendar year. We had Jelly Bean's hospitalization and Solana's arrival in Decembers past and its no wonder I've been totally out of sorts. I hadn't realized how anxious and stressed I felt until Christmas ended and my to-do list was only 15 million things long compared to the 30 million it had seemed to be.
We've become a family in three years and have weathered some pretty life changing events - the losing and gaining of jobs, moving houses, switching schools. Adoption. Welcoming a baby. We aren't the same people from 3 years ago. We have grown so much! If I could go back and tell myself 1 thing - it would be to try to be patient with everyone, myself included. It was a battle to get here and we should be proud of who we have become.
If you have been here this whole time - thank you. I know how invested I get in reading other blogs and so I appreciate that many of you wonder and pray for us and pull for us when we are struggling. I say this knowing that one of my favorite blogs (Fosterhood) seemed to be deleted in its entirety today due to the potential that information shared could be used against the author. I found Rebecca early on in my journey, and her willingness to be open and a source of connection to birth families, and her voice as an adoptee were very influential in shaping my approach. I will miss her writing and hope that the situation with her daughters and their siblings comes to a quick resolution in their favor.
That being said, its a reminder to me that when we share on the internet we open ourselves up to the risks associated with it. I've tried to keep this blog anonymous for many reasons but the first being that the majority of what I write about would be considered confidential. I've been careful, but you may see some posts edited in the coming weeks to ensure that I'm not giving too much of our identity away. The other reason I keep it anonymous is that I write in a brutally honest manner at times and I might not be so forthcoming if my name were attached. (For instance if Maria were to go back and read some of my old posts, I would be mortified. It doesn't make them less true, but it would hurt her tremendously.) I've toyed with the idea of creating a new blog in my real name so that I could share my thoughts and feelings but that hasn't come to fruition yet. And if it did, I wouldn't be able to tell you!
Incidentally, I did hear from Maria this week asking when she will see us to celebrate Christmas. I admit, I've been putting off sending their Christmas gifts because I'm upset with both Jelly Bean and her obsessive and rude behavior back around her birthday and Little Mama - who has blocked me on Facebook since she decided I abandoned her.
I also heard from Sheila yesterday who shared she left the state to help figure out what is wrong with her youngest son (between Smiley and Solana) who is now 6 and unable to use a bathroom and may be "sick in the head". She has been gone 4 years and has decided that because Simon is now fine, and had been "sick in the head" that perhaps he just needs some "attention". She said again that she knew the caregiver for Simon was mistreating him and that is why she took Simon and not the baby with her when she moved out of state. Makes me so sad for the other kids she left behind. I saw a video and its clear that the other sibling has some sort of delay but what he needs is an evaluation not an absentee mother swooping in to "fix" everything. (We will set aside the idea that Simon is "fine" because extreme anxiety and PTSD are not things that go away.) But for some reason she did finally send about 25 pictures of the kids including some from a birthday party that the girls have talked about. Some I had already found, some were new. I'm hopeful that there will be more - I offered that if others had pictures of the kids they wanted to share she could have them send to Facebook. (And to send she had to Un-block me so I guess I have that going for me.) So as annoyed as I am about her dragging me into her drama, thus occupying more of my thoughts, I am grateful she finally sent the pictures.
And finally, we got to video chat with Solana while she was on her overnights again this week. Her Dad sends plenty of pictures but I mentioned that I missed her today and he offered right away to let us chat. When we appeared on the phone she squealed with joy! She's such a happy kid. Knowing we can still see her and talk to her while she is gone is helping us feel more comfortable about her move. And also knowing that she is largely protected from all of the Sheila drama is also helpful. I doubt she will be back prior to court and that means the case will close with no contesting of the custody (at least for now).
2017 should be interesting.....
We've become a family in three years and have weathered some pretty life changing events - the losing and gaining of jobs, moving houses, switching schools. Adoption. Welcoming a baby. We aren't the same people from 3 years ago. We have grown so much! If I could go back and tell myself 1 thing - it would be to try to be patient with everyone, myself included. It was a battle to get here and we should be proud of who we have become.
If you have been here this whole time - thank you. I know how invested I get in reading other blogs and so I appreciate that many of you wonder and pray for us and pull for us when we are struggling. I say this knowing that one of my favorite blogs (Fosterhood) seemed to be deleted in its entirety today due to the potential that information shared could be used against the author. I found Rebecca early on in my journey, and her willingness to be open and a source of connection to birth families, and her voice as an adoptee were very influential in shaping my approach. I will miss her writing and hope that the situation with her daughters and their siblings comes to a quick resolution in their favor.
That being said, its a reminder to me that when we share on the internet we open ourselves up to the risks associated with it. I've tried to keep this blog anonymous for many reasons but the first being that the majority of what I write about would be considered confidential. I've been careful, but you may see some posts edited in the coming weeks to ensure that I'm not giving too much of our identity away. The other reason I keep it anonymous is that I write in a brutally honest manner at times and I might not be so forthcoming if my name were attached. (For instance if Maria were to go back and read some of my old posts, I would be mortified. It doesn't make them less true, but it would hurt her tremendously.) I've toyed with the idea of creating a new blog in my real name so that I could share my thoughts and feelings but that hasn't come to fruition yet. And if it did, I wouldn't be able to tell you!
Incidentally, I did hear from Maria this week asking when she will see us to celebrate Christmas. I admit, I've been putting off sending their Christmas gifts because I'm upset with both Jelly Bean and her obsessive and rude behavior back around her birthday and Little Mama - who has blocked me on Facebook since she decided I abandoned her.
I also heard from Sheila yesterday who shared she left the state to help figure out what is wrong with her youngest son (between Smiley and Solana) who is now 6 and unable to use a bathroom and may be "sick in the head". She has been gone 4 years and has decided that because Simon is now fine, and had been "sick in the head" that perhaps he just needs some "attention". She said again that she knew the caregiver for Simon was mistreating him and that is why she took Simon and not the baby with her when she moved out of state. Makes me so sad for the other kids she left behind. I saw a video and its clear that the other sibling has some sort of delay but what he needs is an evaluation not an absentee mother swooping in to "fix" everything. (We will set aside the idea that Simon is "fine" because extreme anxiety and PTSD are not things that go away.) But for some reason she did finally send about 25 pictures of the kids including some from a birthday party that the girls have talked about. Some I had already found, some were new. I'm hopeful that there will be more - I offered that if others had pictures of the kids they wanted to share she could have them send to Facebook. (And to send she had to Un-block me so I guess I have that going for me.) So as annoyed as I am about her dragging me into her drama, thus occupying more of my thoughts, I am grateful she finally sent the pictures.
And finally, we got to video chat with Solana while she was on her overnights again this week. Her Dad sends plenty of pictures but I mentioned that I missed her today and he offered right away to let us chat. When we appeared on the phone she squealed with joy! She's such a happy kid. Knowing we can still see her and talk to her while she is gone is helping us feel more comfortable about her move. And also knowing that she is largely protected from all of the Sheila drama is also helpful. I doubt she will be back prior to court and that means the case will close with no contesting of the custody (at least for now).
2017 should be interesting.....
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