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The last two weeks have been incredibly stressful. I have to admit I've cried on more than one occasion out of sheer frustration and because I was feeling beyond overwhelmed. Like this morning after I lost it in the car after JB punched LM before 7AM and my plan to get to work early went right out the window. I cried pretty much the entire 45 minute drive.

School starting brought out all kinds of changes in these kids. NONE of them good. My guess is that it was a tangible marker of time for them. They know they came into foster care BEFORE school started last year and school starting up again means an ENTIRE year has passed. My suspicion was confirmed last night when Gabby asked me at dinner how long they've been in foster care. At one point their Mom made a statement that she "only gets two years and then the state takes you" so their anxiety level has increased big time surrounding the length of time it is taking for them to return home. This uncertainty is driving ALL of us crazy. Sadly, the kids don't seem confident that their Mom is progressing and us involved in the case don't see the progress either. Their case worker told us last week that normally at this point she has a pretty clear idea of which way a case is headed in the next 6 months. She doesn't see them definitely returning home and she doesn't see them definitely heading towards TPR. So Limbo land is where we get to stay.

Family therapy started up again the second week of school. It was decided that we could have a new therapist who was willing to drive to the family but that sessions would take place at Mom's home. I had a big issue with this as I think it has the potential to be super confusing to the kids. Additionally, the only time the therapist could meet them would not allow us to drive them so they need to have their visit supervisor drive them. So what happened at the first session? Mom made dinner and asked last minute if they could stay longer and eat since she went through the trouble of cooking. And would it be ok with me?

Umm no. No its not ok. Because once again Mom doesn't understand the concept of therapy or boundaries or structure. I told the case worker that the kids were prepared for therapy. Therapy does not include meals which is a major issue for them and a big trigger of bad behavior. And sure enough they managed to fool the new therapist into thinking everything went great and then completely fell apart in the car. To the point where the supervisor was near tears dropping them off. (Well except Mr. Mohawk, apparently he was a holy terror at the session and an angel in the car. Funny he's not a holy terror at my house.) So we gave the supervisor support and went over with her what she can, and cannot tell the kids. For instance not ok to threaten that if they aren't good they won't get to go to their visit later in the week. (Yep 12 years of this and she said that. ME? I have 6 months under my belt.) We offered her to call us in the future if the kids were acting up in the car. And our reward? The next 3 days was pure HELL. JB tantrumed about everything. She got so worked about her Spelling homework that I didn't trust her in the bathroom by herself. (She has some other stuff going on that I can't talk about just yet.)

Oh but then came Friday. Where my lunch was interuppted with a phone call from the principal. Who was calling to tell me JB got an in-school suspension for punching another student. Then I got a call from day care. MM had a fever of 103. So I called the supervisor of the visit to let her know that MM wasn't going and that JB had gotten in trouble. Then I left work early. (Did I mention I had a big project due Monday?)And on the way to pick up my sick kid I got a call from the supervisor.

Mom wanted to know if she should still take the girls out to dinner. This was the question the supervisor was asking me. Umm - not my place to tell you. You have to be the parent. I parent your children all but 4 hours of the week. You need to learn to parent your child, especially in instances where they get into trouble at school.

Anyone want to guess what Mom did? If you guessed completely ignored the situation give yourself 10 points. If you guessaed took her shopping give yourself another 10 points. Loaded her up with junk food - add 5 and toojk her to her FAVORITE resturant please add 50 points.

But get this. JB still couldn't behave. And at the resturant neither the supervisor nor Mom could get her to stop acting up so you know what they did? The supervisor threatened to call me. Then when that didn't work MOM, threatened to call me.

And I have to stop there because that puts me OVER.THE.EDGE.

I'll write tomorrow about all the things I found wrong with this parenting technique. Leave your comment to tell me how many points you scored :)

Comments

  1. Wow sounds so awful feel bad for you....um just a era dim blog reader who came across your blog and um reading it from first post to last n stop by and comment.now I'm getting to "know you" per say I feel bad for y'all! Best wishes for everyone,!

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