Monday was hard. Probably the hardest Monday I've ever had. Like ever. In my life. I was trying to remember the last time I felt so emotionally drained and I can only come up with the night my Grandmother passed away and I spent all night awake, sobbing. Which was pretty much what I did after Solana left with Caseworker #4.
We played and snuggled in the 30 minutes we had between the Licensing Worker and CW#4 showing up. I wrapped her in her blanket whispered I love you and I'll see you Friday and handed her over. I sobbed behind the window as I watched the car pull away.
I sent Hubby a text that she was gone and then I called my Mom. She offered to bring me lunch and said she'd be over in a few hours. I tried to get some work done and when I couldn't see through the tears decided a cat nap was necessary. I ended up asleep by 9PM, after video chatting with the dancing queen.
Here we are almost at Friday and I have to say I'm fine. Re-charged even. I woke up Tuesday to a really sweet message from my BFF and decided that my next role as advocate was equally important. I went to a meeting with a local Child Advocacy Center to see how my company could partner to volunteer and spoke about our situation with, dare I say, poise, and enthusiasm. Because you know what? I can't come up with a single reason not to share our situation with EVERYONE involved in the system. I want to point and shout and say see, SEE what happens when adults act like adults and the kids come first? From Bio Dad to Foster Parents, to Caseworker, to the Judge. This is what a team approach is. And it CAN work. It doesn't have to be broken.
I told CW#4 that this, their 1st case, will be the best case they ever have. After all, I have been a foster parent for 6 years and have watched a lot of horrific stuff.
The kids are doing good. They have all commented that they like talking to her each night and agree that it doesn't feel any different being "official". They like having her here on weekends and while at first they were angry, its now okay. We've not seen too much acting out behavior and I think what we are seeing isn't related to Solana going home. We do have some family bonding time scheduled this weekend for our family tradition of watching the Superbowl and a few family trips scheduled in March. Hubby and I also have a trip planned just the two of us in May and I'm counting down the days to that one!
I am still planning on going to the next court date. They don't have to let me in, but given my support of Bio Dad its not likely anyone will kick me out. Sheila is back in town and has requested visitation so we will see how that shakes out.
Thank you all for your kind words, prayers, and positive energy these past few months. Our family appreciates them.