ACR (1) acupuncture (1) adoption (30) Adoption; RAD; emotions; tantrum (1) adoptive families (4) Amazing people (2) anger (6) Anxiety (1) appointments (1) Attachment (4) Attachment therapy (1) babies (1) banging my head (8) Bed wetting (1) beds (3) bedwetting (3) behavior (25) bio families (2) bio parents (26) biological parents (5) Biological parents; adoption (3) Biological parents; adoption; co parenting (1) Bioparents (1) birth families (21) birth moms (1) birth parents (5) birthdays (3) blogging (5) Boundaries (4) CASA (1) caseworker (9) challenges (4) change (2) Changes (2) co-parenting (16) confessions (15) Consequences (2) Court (20) crafts (1) CW Visit (5) DCFS (9) decisions (3) diary (1) dicipline (1) drama queen (2) emotions (130) Fab Four (14) Fab Four: Post Reunification (2) faith (10) family (12) Family fun (9) family outings (7) family support (15) family therapy (4) feelings (7) fertility (2) flowers (1) food (1) foster care (25) foster parenting (83) Foster parenting; permanency (3) fun (1) Gabby (4) grief (9) healing (5) Holiday (8) Holidays (5) Homework (1) honesty (1) Hubby (2) husbands (3) If I'm being honest (5) illness (1) investigation (1) Jelly Bean (4) laughter (1) legal issues (4) licensing (2) Little Mama (2) loss (5) love (8) lying (1) marriage (1) meetings (1) meltdown (1) Mental Health (3) migraine (1) milestones (1) Mommy Humor (5) mother (1) motherhood (46) Movie review (1) Mr. Mohawk (7) music (2) names (2) Neglect (1) neurosarcoidosis (6) Nostalgia (1) nothing to do with foster care (8) Open adoption (2) organization (1) other people's reactions (7) Overnight visits (2) parenting (12) permanency (10) perspective (6) photolistings (1) photos (2) pictures (5) placement (1) Placements (23) Post Reunification (26) Post visit behavior (2) Post-reunification (5) PRIDE (1) progress (1) PTSD (5) puberty (1) Quartet (3) Questions (1) RAD (5) relationships (6) return home (1) reunification (11) safe haven (1) Sarah (3) sarcasm (1) school (10) Sexual abuse (4) shopping (2) sibling (1) siblings (5) Simon (6) sleep (1) Smiley (1) Social Media (2) Solana (5) Stella (1) stress (9) Suicide (1) support (5) tantrums (3) Team Work (1) Teamwork (5) Thank You (1) The Quartet (1) The System (2) Therapeutic parenting (2) therapy (19) TPR (7) training (1) Transition (10) transition plan (10) trauma (9) triggers (4) typical kids (1) Urine (1) verbal abuse (1) Visit behavior (3) visits (38) waiting (2) where to start (3)

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Back To School

Back to school time is always full of stress for kids in foster care. The Quartet have never finished a full school year in one school. Ever. 

Think about that. The school year is August through May. They have never been in one place long enough to experience a 10 month stretch. So even though they are going back to the school they went to last year, we have a lot of anxiety going on. 

This also brought on an offer from Sheila to buy the kids school supplies. So I gave her the link. Then she said she was only going to get 1/2 of the lists. Then she asked me what grade her kids were in.

I am trying very hard to focus on the offer in the first place. But I'm not going to lie. It's hard. You say you love your kids and you are working to get them back but you don't know what grade they are in? I have a hard time understanding this thinking. There is not a lot of connection and it just breaks my heart. For them and for her. 

Work with the bio parents is what they teach. Co-parent whenever possible. What does that mean? Does that mean suggest to Sheila that she avoid talking about back to school even though she dismisses it? Does that mean overlooking she missed 1/2 (52%) of her phone calls in the past three months? Does it mean invite her to Kindergarten orientation? 

My mantra over the month and a half will be- her time is limited with her children

What a sad thought. I actually care a great deal about Sheila. She gave birth to some pretty spectacular kids. But I'm just tired of watching them struggle.

I am also totally over bio Dad. And if I'm being honest, I could give two toots about him, his rights, or his issues. He missed 1/2 of his available visits over the last three months. How hard is it to show up to a fast food restaurant for two hours a week? Really how long should kids be subjected to parents showing up 1/2 the time? I'm thinking that 9 months is unacceptable. The point of the visits is to prove you are stable and can handle your kids. Why are we subjecting the kids to someone who clearly isn't interested?And why are we spending money that could be going towards other things like quality healthcare, mental health services, or activities for the kids and parents actually making changes? They are issuing a summons to the next court hearing because Dad has never shown. NEVER.

Simon asked me the other day why he can't have his visits on the same day again. He reasoning: because then he only has one day of visits. (Only one day of worry and inconsistency). I also tallied the days Sarah has been wetting the bed and they are always on days of contact or scheduled contact with her bio parents. 

People ask us all the time isn't it hard? My new answer is not as hard as it is on the kids. I'm an adult. I can manage the stress. The kids can't.

No comments:

Post a Comment