Innocent Until Proven Guilty

We had quite the week. We had a mid-week visit that didn't go so great. We had a boatload of attitude and a lot of re-directing mainly because of the midweek visit. I also stumbled across the county clerk website and finally found the case listed for Jelly Bean's abuser. I felt like writing a post on this because child molestation and sexual abuse have been in the news all week due to the allegations at Penn State and their alleged cover up. To be honest I don't know all the facts. I can't read the articles about this because it makes my stomach turn. Which is also how I felt when I heard from the victim advocate this week when she told me Little Mama was going to have to testify at a pretrial hearing as this jerk isn't taking the plea they've offered him. So because he has a legal right my 11 year old who was also sexually abused now has to testify in open court. And if his creep of a defense attorney doesn't think she's credible enough my 8 year old will have to face her abuser in open court. The foster parent of the 2nd home she was in after she was taken away from her abusive mother.

I'm really tired of these kids being put through Hell and back to protect the rights of the people who have harmed them. And I feel even more weary the people like foster parents and teachers and coaches are contributing to the abuses the children in this country endure. To read about the assistant coach who WITNESSED a child being RAPED and did nothing to stop it makes me want to throw up. It makes my heart ache for the victims and their parents.

I've been parenting a sexually abused child for 9 months. When she first moved I to my house she couldn't sleep. She had nightmares. It took us hours and lots of reassurance before she would settle for bed. I don't think she fell asleep before 10 pm for the first 2 months. And I had to do all the work. My husband triggered her simply because he was a man. Then the other sexually abused child moved in and triggered the you get one and we started from square one. We have girls who are so afraid of anything remotely sexual they can't handle cartoon characters kissing. I'm told on a weekly basis that certain clothing on strangers is inappropriate. Even a routine trip to the doctor was filled with fear when she touched the lower back of a child to check on a mole.

The effects of any abuse are long lasting but sexual abuse is extra tough. I worry that my girls will head in the promiscuous direction when they hit puberty. I worry that they will never be comfortable in their own skin. I worry that they will seek out relationships with abusive men. And I worry that they will never enjoy intimacy with a loving partner.

I don't know what it's like to find out someone you trusted abused your child. Mine came with their abuse but as I head into the trial portion of what happened my mama bear is coming out pretty fiercely. I want this guy to pay for what he did to my beautiful daughter. And I hope he sits in jail while I try to help BOTH my girls recover from making sure his rights aren't infringed on. While they continue as foster kids waiting to make sure their Mother's rights aren't infringed on. (Who also to my knowledge has not asked what has happened to her daughters abuser and has no idea her other daughter has to testify.)

If there is one thing I hope the country learns is that their are countless victims of child abuse and them and their families struggle to heal. I hope the Penn State students carry out their message and promise to raise money for victims of sexual abuse and I hope that this breaks some of the silence.

*abusers are alleged and innocent until proven guilty
**this guy confessed at the DCFS office to what JB says he did but is claiming he was being held against his will. In a DCFS office. With an unlocked, open door.