Skip to main content

Who’s afraid of the big bad wolf?

My son. T.E.R.R.I.F.I.E.D. of the local hockey team mascot. They have face painting and games for kids before games and while we were standing in line for the face painting the Wolf came out to greet everyone. Now Mr. Mohawk was excited about the wolves. He wore his wolf shirt. He made sure to show everyone how wolves howl (oow, oww wooo). And pointed excitedly - Ooh Mommy there’s da wolf. But the minute that wolf came within 15 feet of him it was clawing and scratching to get up in our arms.

Now I was prepared for this. We are taking the kids to Disney World. I am re-reading my trusty Unofficial Guide to Disney World and actually reading the chapter on Disney with kids. (Sadly, we’ve always gone with adults. HA!) And one BIG warning was that 60% of preschoolers are afraid of the characters in costume. Some of the tips were not to force the kids on the characters and to try and show them by example that the characters aren’t going to hurt them by having an adult approach.

So we tried this technique. Mommy went up towards the wolf and declawed my son’s hand from my jacket he was screaming “No Mommy don’t go in there. He’s going to bite you!”. Its too bad I can’t show the pictures because the face on him and me trying to express that the wolf was friendly are hysterical. So after several tries of getting closer to the wolf we just dropped it all together. We did tell him the wolf was cousins with Mickey Mouse so of course he wouldn’t hurt us but that will probably come back to (forgive the pun) bite us in the butt. Once the wolf was a safe distance away though he was very happy to watch him go about his business and howl at him.

Now at this point you may be wondering about Jelly Bean. Well lets just say her attitude/mood was less than stellar on this day. She came home from shopping with Grandma bouncing off the walls and acting silly which may have been because both adults thought the other had given her her ADHD medication. Which was because she had told one of them she already took it (Of course denied by said child.) Or it could have been because Grandma got her some cute stuff and now she thought she could do no wrong. Either way, I could have done without the pouting and whining for the entire night. I thought for sure we’d be fine as when the kids came home from their visit the night before we played Go Fish and worked as a family and they seemed to be ok. This continued into Sunday and despite spending over an hour explaining to Jelly Bean what behavior was acceptable and not and that its up to her how she reacts and discussing that no amount of bad behavior was going to get her sent back to live with her Mom (until the judge said so) or to another foster home. That we wanted her here and we’d like it best if she was giggly happy Jelly Bean instead of Tudy miss attitude. My best guess is that these are boundary/attention seeking behaviors and I know it just takes time but I was like COME ON!

On a separate note we realized the last 3 weeks of visits have not been at Mom’s home. Per the caseworker she moved. And needs to move to another home that is more suitable for the kids. And when that happens and the case worker signs off then the visits will resume at home supervised. I don’t think this is a good sign. Especially, since she allegedly told the kids they were going to move back in 6 weeks.


Popular posts from this blog

She Never Cried

Sheila called to wish Sarah Happy Birthday and she shared a story with her that as a baby she never cried. Not when she was hungry, not when she was tired, never. She never cried.
A little later Sarah said to me:
"Mom, my Mom said I never cried. I don't really believe that. That can't be true can it? Don't all babies cry sometimes?"
Oh my sweet girl. The red flag went up for her too. As I listened to Sheila share this story fondly, I felt sad. That was a sign of her RAD. That was because she couldn't count on adults. That was because she cried and no one came so she learned not to cry.
"It doesn't sound right to you, does it?"
"I know your Mom shared that story because she thinks it's cute you never cried. It made me sad. You are right babies cry so adults take care of them. You know how you had a lot of different adults that were supposed to take care of you as a baby?"
"Yeah, like 10 foster parents."
"Well …

Minimum Parenting Standards - Monday's Post

I can't figure out Blogger's time zone and I may not have time to write Monday evening so here is Monday's post.

This week we are having another "team" meeting. This time to discuss the "minimum parenting standards" that the kid's Mom has to meet in order to be "good enough" to parent them.

Now I have all kids of issues with this entire exercise. The first being that these kids deserve better than the minimum. The second, that good enough isn't going to cut it with their issues. The hardest part though is being asked to write down a guide to being their parent FOR their parent. Putting my commitment to first reunify a family to the test. It is one thing to suggest ways in which she can be a better parent and to support the goal by not bad mouthing her and encouraging the kids to share their true feelings. It is an entirely different thing to sit down and write a guide for a woman who has yet to grasp the basics after two years.

It wa…

Reader Question: Did You change their names?

Yes we did. We actually started using their new names shortly after their good bye visit with Sheila last August. So the only name that really changed this week was their last name (kind of, one of them actually had our last name). We had started using them so we wouldn't have to try to do a name change mid-school year. Plus the kids had only been in the school the last 1/2 of the year so they didn't know everyone yet. The school was great about going with the new first names.
At some point Simon spontaneously asked his teacher if he could change his name tag on his desk to our last name. He was tired of waiting on the legal stuff. He started to write Simon Almost Last Name on his papers. So we asked all the kids and they asked for the same update. Their report cards and benchmarks still had their legal names. 
The name change was a bit cumbersome at first. We sounded like owls because someone would ask for a person by their birth name and we would all answer "Who?". W…


I had some questions asked of me recently that I thought I would answer here:

1) How do you keep doing this after so much crap?
I actually had two different foster moms ask me this. One dealing with a false allegation and one in a kinship case with a pregnant, unstable bio mom.

I'm not sure I have an eloquent answer to this question. I think I've reached a point where I see the bigger picture - the kids.  That's not to say this stuff doesn't drive me nuts or make me emotional. I would be spitting fire if we had to deal with a false allegation. I'm really upset about the potential of having to make a decision about another baby. But if not me, who? We are good at this. There are kids that need me. And I probably need them. I am a caretaker by nature.  What would I be doing with myself if I didn't have 15 different obligations all at once? I have no idea because I've always been this way. And right now all of the current drama is related to my children. I s…

It is a process

It's a physical ache. A pain in the middle of my chest.  And it causes hot tears, the kind that sting my eyes.  It settled over me today and I couldn't shake it.

It started with news that more people in our lives are expecting and today, I just couldn't muster the happiness.  I heard complaints of not feeling well and my ability to plaster the smile on my face just vanished from my body. I left the house to "run an errand" but really I just needed an escape.

All week I've been able to communicate and tell people about Solana leaving without any trouble.  I probably sounded like a PSA for "How to be the role model foster parent".

People were asking:

So will you get to adopt the little one? Is she staying?

Well no, actually.  She is going home in a few weeks. That's the goal of foster care. We are really happy for her dad. He really gets it. We've built a relationship. I'm so glad she doesn't have to go through the pain of adoption or …