Loss

I finished reading the kids' adoption subsidy packets and flipped over to Facebook to vent about it. In my feed was a post from a friend of mine that is going to the hospital tomorrow to have their baby who has a genetic disorder and will not survive very long after he is born. I'm so sad for their family. And it makes me even angrier that people are able to have multiple babies that they neglect and abuse. My Mama Bear is roaring under the surface. So wrong. So unfair. 

Will you say a prayer for my friends? Their entire family is about to go through a loss that many of us understand all to well. Pray they get supported through this and have space to talk/or not talk about the loss of their son. 

What the Kids Understand

Smiley's teacher let me know that she told her "we adopted a baby but I don't know why" last week. So we sat down to talk about Solana's placement again and then the next day in family therapy.

I forget that the kids need to hear information over and over. So even though we explained the day she came why she was coming, they need us to repeat it. We also needed to correct some of their assumptions like: she's getting adopted, she's leaving soon, her arrival will slow down their adoption, she lived with Sheila.

We did explain that Solana is in foster care and that the judge in her case has made the goal return home to "Mommy" or Solana's Biological Dad. We did tell them that when Solana was in Sheila's tummy she made some choices that were unsafe like being in a relationship with someone who hit her and not doing her "homework" that the judge gave her so Solana never lived with "Mommy". We told them that Solana's Bio Dad has never had any children and so the judge gave him things he has to learn. We explained that the friend of Mommy's who was caring for Solana decided she couldn't take care of her anymore and that we wanted Solana to be safe and we knew she would be safe and lived at our house. The kids of course wanted to know if she will be adopted so we and the therapist reiterated that we don't know yet but that if we are asked to we will definitely adopt her. We left it that Solana will either live here or will go to a safe parent. 

Sarah began to cry during our session. She was trying to hold it in but I noticed. After a little while she to us they were happy tears that her sister was safe with us. That kid loves this little sister something fierce and it's a quality I adore in her. It's one I recognize in myself and it reminds me that she is mine, no matter who birthed her.

It's 2 weeks in. Too early but this is the right step no matter what comes at us. But 2 weeks in and Sheila has cancels her visit this week and it wasn't a cancellation that will allow it to be made up. From Facebook I see a new boyfriend and while it disappointments me so much I hope that Solana will find permanency much more swiftly than my other kiddos.

Family of 7

This year has been full of change. New house, new jobs, new names, new baby. And while I was worried that the baby would send us over the edge, (that I felt very close to tumbling over during the emotionally charged summer months) everything looks different now. Despite 5 kids and change still at work, there is some calm. There is peacefulness. There are happy kids and a sense of everything being as it should.

We didn't do stockings with names on them last year. To be honest, I did very little decorating because of the move. So I filled generic stockings with stuff for the kids and added a name tag. This year I decided it was going to be coordinating ones that were personalized. So I ordered some from Walmart.com and I was pleased that when they came they were actually from Personal Creations (which was twice the price). So the quality was great. (I'm overlooking the fact that they messed up the color of one.) they of course came the week before Solana arrived.

So when I hung the new stockings and left the spot for Solana, Hubby asked me what I was doing about hers. I replied "it's on it's way, I ordered it this week." Then he said "maybe we should get an extra in case we change her name". Which was a thought I had had that very morning. And then both of us looked at eachother and were like, but what name? 

But there it was. Both of us on the same wavelength. Both of us fallen hopelessly in love with this chubby baby. Both of us ready to be her forever parents should she need them. Both of us hoping that's God's plan. Both of us feeling that she completes our family in a way that we had no clue about because it already felt complete.

I have to remind myself that, as of now, she is only ours temporarily. I have to trust that it will work out like it should. Like it has. Until we understand what that is supposed to look like we will just be us. A family of 7. Happiest when we are together. Gathered round a table or piled in the minivan driving to our next adventure. 

What's the longest river?

Answer: Denial.

It's ok. You can chuckle. Forgive the slap happy humor of a Momma with 4 sick kiddos who is sick herself.

But denial is where Sheila is living. I sent Solana with her visit bag and the notebook today and she wrote nothing and sent nothing back. She made a bunch of noise to the driver/supervisor about her stuffy nose and how she wonders if we have pets because Sheila herself has pet allergies.

When the daycare relayed this message I actually laughed. Um her other kids have been talking about our dog for 2 years. She bought the dog treats previously. She knows we have a dog. It's not dog allergies, it a cold. A cold that 4 other people in the house have.

I shared this with Caseworker #4 and he was like, the previous home had dogs and there is nothing in her medical records that indicates she has allergies.

I'm not surprised by Sheila's lack of response to our reaching out to communicate. But it is still disappointing. You still want the Bio parents to show up because all kids deserve that.