More Stress Please

We are headed out of town this weekend for a short water park getaway. We had scheduled it thinking it would be a nice break just before Christmas as it's such a busy time.  It's my busy time at work and we want the kids to focus on family and not stuff.

This week turned our lives upside down.

We've been looking for 2 years for a house and couldn't find the size we wanted, in the area near my parents and work, for a price in our budget. We spend at least 1 1/2 hours commuting (to the same town) every day for work. I feel like I live in my car.  

This week we finally found a house that met our criteria and as of yesterday, we are under contract!

I'm excited but totally overwhelmed by all that needs to get accomplished to pack and ready our current house for rent and the new house for us. And Grad school starts back up in January and I'm still running a 1/2 marathon in Disney in February.

This will be the last calm weekend we have for a while. This is the 1st time I've moved in 10 years. And let's not forget the kids and their worries and fears connected with moves.

Stella in her passive aggressive way mentioned several times how lucky Dad and I are that we don't have to change jobs because of the move.  The real statement behind that being "I have to change schools. You don't and that isn't fair."

This should be interesting.

No Elves Here

Oh the Elf on the Shelf. I love the idea of you but in my home- it's not happening.

I put the Elf on the Shelf in the same category as the homemade heart shaped crayons for the entire class at Valentine's Day and Halloween Goodie Bags. Those things are for those other Moms who have their act together. For those parents who aren't exhausted by life. Or who don't have four children, work full time and train for a 1/2 marathon while going back to grad school.

Then there is the trauma aspect of our life. Be good or no holiday would blow up on us like pouring gasoline on a box of fireworks and lighting a match. An elf to watch out for naughtiness to tell Santa who never consistently visited my children would bring out the holiday crazy  even faster.

If you are a Mom out there who has been able to give the Elf license for creativity in your home- more power to you. I think it's fantastic you have a fun tradition with your children. (This isn't a "I am way busier so I win post"). 

I myself am not on that wavelength. I barely made it through grocery shopping, dinner, and homework last night. My kids are struggling with feelings of fear and loss over not seeing their biological parents. Their Bio Mom told them she was going to try to get an extra visit this month so she could give them their presents because she didn't bring them to their visit for December.

(And the angry foster Mom elf emailed everyone.)

We are in a puddle of stress and Christmas is going to be very light on stuff and heavy on quality time. Well if you call three separate family Christmas celebrations light.....

It's Not About Me

I've been having a rough week. We all have them. It's not surprising, especially during the holidays for there to be some stress  but I had some added stressors this week and so I need to remind myself that when my kid works on something really hard and decides to wrap it up and give it to his Biological Mom, that it's not about me.

The sting I felt when he said "I made this for my Mom" was real. I'm a person. I have feelings. Last week if he had said, "I made this for my Mom" I might not have even pondered it. But as I sat waiting for the four of them to wrap up therapy, thoroughly exhausted from all that transpired this week, it hurt my feelings.

Let me be clear- I am glad my kid feels they can ask me for help with something as important as a handmade gift for their Mom. And I want to support positive feelings, interactions and memories about their Mom. (And to be fair, I got a beautiful picture drawn just for me last week when I was sick.) 

And his reason for making the necklace was heartbreaking.  It was "so my Mom doesn't forget about me." My poor baby. So afraid that he could be forgotten. It makes me angry and then I got mad at myself.

This is an honest piece of fostering/adoption. There are always those "others" who play and important role regardless of how poorly they have acted. Kids don't measure it that way. Nature doesn't build us that way. We are meant to count on our parents when we are young and then some. And parents are meant to support their children. Sometimes it doesn't work that way due to addiction or mental illness. 

We break that cycle now for these kids.

My Mom, Grandpa, Aunt and Goddaughter all showed up for Simon this week. We didn't forget his concert. We clapped and waved and smiled from the audience as he sang his heart out. And when he got to tell everyone what he liked best about the holidays he said:

"I love the holidays because I get to spend time with my family."

His family.

Yes buddy we are and we can't forget you. No necklace needed.

Almost A Year

We are about to hit the year mark of the Quartet being in our home.  I'm not sure where the time went.  It feels like I blinked. Last December was a blur and to be honest I don't really remember Christmas. So much happened with the other foster family and getting the kids enrolled in school and incorporating the Fab Four and Maria into our plans.

The kids don't seem to remember much of last December either but tonight I reflected a bit on how much they've grown.  How their personalities and strengths and weaknesses have emerged.

Simon wrote a comic book this week about past Christmases where he got no toys one year and "one or two" the next.  He wrote about being cold and a new house.  He's in 1st grade and the story was pretty cohesive. Somewhat melancholy but a great tool to get his thoughts and feelings out. He read it to us in a strong, clear voice! I was so proud of him.  His intelligence always knocks me over.  What kid gives up TV (which is very limited during the week in our house) to do optional homework? Mine, that's who! He is sweet and helpful and has this great style that always makes him look cool.

Smiley was "roaring" at Hubby tonight.  I really wish I could show her picture because she is just adorable.  She was scrunching her face up and had her hands up like claws and would roar at him and then just crack up with giggles.  When she's having a good day she is giggly and chatty often telling everyone all about her day.  She is stubborn and I really pray that one day she will use her willfulness for good instead of evil!  She loves all things Frozen and has been insisting that what she wants for Christmas is a Frozen lunch box even though she gets hot lunch at school. She is going to turn all of my hair gray....

Stella is still dreaming big and I hope that won't change.  It can be tiring sometimes to answer all of her questions  which normally prompt other question because she just has to know EVERYTHING. And how it works, and who invented it, and why its that color, and how she can get one, and what would you do with it if you had one. But you have to admire that kind of determination.  She is creative and cautious and studious and funny.  She's a great leader and its been really fun to watch her get to be a kid. 

Sarah has this cute pixie cut and adorable dimples.  She is super sensitive and works very hard to overcome that.  She wants to be a part of a family so badly and she's right on the edge of being able to claim our family as hers.  

They have their visit with their parents for the month of December this week. None of them have mentioned it but I suspect that the underlying tension in the house is being caused by it.  The other factor is that our dog is very sick. We are taking him to a specialist tomorrow but he isn't doing well.