We are both Writing

Currently I am hiding in my room savoring the last few moments of peace and quiet I will get this morning. We bought a laptop since the computer was in the little guy's room and we found it challenging to use it at night when we actually have time. And since we have 4 children and our dog in our 2 bedroom loft townhouse we are simply out of space to move the computer to.

I have already broken up an argument, doled out tylenol (for sore breasts), discussed puberty and growth spurts and downloaded videos from vacation.

My husband got up early to help Jelly Bean write the sentences she was assigned last night for 1)calling another boy on the bus a B**** and 2)Lying about it 2 days ago when confronted. Because her Social Worker at school had her call and tell me about it when he got the notice from the bus driver.

Our two major rules are 1)Keep your hands to yourself. 2)Tell the truth. Punishment is doubled if you break either of these rules. Because Jelly Bean has been "grounded" from a lot of things we changed tactics with this punishment. As we have a big Memorial Day weekend planned this weekend we decided keeping her from participating would be ineffective. And boy were we right because when we sat down to talk about it with her she jump right away to "I know I'm not going...." WE said NO, instead you are going to write sentences. 10 - I will not lie, and 10 - I will not use bad words. But she escalated into a tantrum and by the end of it she had 100 sentences to write. And by the end of that she had to start over and eventually asked to go to bed understanding that if she didn't get it done in the morning she wasn't going to see Kung Fu Panda in 3 D with the family.

Now here's the rub - the other kids had lots to say about this. Mainly, that it wasn't fair that I was going to stay home with Jelly Bean because then THEY miss out on me. So the solution we came up to that was when they got home from the movie I would take the older girls to the scrap booking store.

The evening ended up with me crying. Frustrated that I feel like I'm failing this little girl who obviously is crying for help. Angry that a 7 year old gets me so worked up. Tired of the unknown and understanding that these kids are tired of it too. Wondering if this was the right decision in the first place and fearful of whatever outcome comes our way.

I got a good nights sleep and pretty soon I'm going to walk out of my room and feed these children and start the day all over again.

Oh My Goodness.....

Am I exhausted. It could be from the tons of walking in the unseasonable warmth Orlando, Florida had this week or the 6AM wake up and 1AM bedtimes or trying to wrangle 4 kids in the Happiest Place on Earth. However, I believe it is the emotional exhaustion that I have from my 7 year old foster daughten from the past week. Because she pushed EVERY S.I.N.G.L.E. BUTTON that I have. Every one.

Now maybe it was naive for us to think we could take 4 children to Disney World and come back on speaking terms but my husband and I - Disney veterans- thought how bad could it be? Apparently, the answer is pretty bad. To th ep[oint I actually was on hold with Disney Babysitting trying to price out a day of services. I can't tell you how many times I said "Jelly Bean please stop (insert favorite annoying behavior here ie:jumping,bumping strangers, hitting your sibling,walking ahead/behind us, rolling your eyes, talking back, climbing on railings, asking me to buy things, asking to use the camera, complaining. And teh yelling came and I could do nothing to stop it.

How is it that a 7 year old could make me so gosh darn angry? It was like she did the opposite of everything I said. And she promised over and over that she was going to change her behavior and didn't. To the point where I couldn't believe her anymore. Even her siblings began to tire of her antics. But when asked at therapy today how her trip was and if she got in trouble? Awesome - and no trouble.

I'll write more tomorrow this week with more of the fun details and fun things that have been going on but right now I'm going to bed.

MOM

I haven't written a lot lately mainly because we are so busy. But I couldn't let my 1st Mother's Day pass without an entry.

First, I want to take a moment to honor my own Mom. While she wasn't our #1 cheerleader when we began this journey she has been the quarterback as of late. When she found out the older girls were moving into our house she dropped everything and came over. She took the next two weekends to come help us get organized and has formed special relationships with each of the kids. She is a Grandma in the best possible way and I love her more for her big heart than ever. (and she took us for pedicures which was awesome!)

I was missing my own Grandma and I admit that I cried to myself in the shower. I always imagined my first Mother's Day with my Grandma. Opening a special gift from her while she did this little smile/shrug she used to do. I hope I'm making her proud.

My kids and my husband made me VERY PROUD this past weekend. I was treated to a beautiful card lots of pictures as well as a new diamond anniversary band and breakfast in bed. Even more amazing he bought a ring for my MOM too.

The kids had a rough morning which I suspect had something to do with missing their MOM. They have had a couple of rough weeks regarding visits and I think they felt unsure about a lot of things. We've had relatives at visits that were not alllowed, being sent home 45 minutes early, being told they were moving to Mexico when they get returned home, and the kicker being told that if they don't learn to behave they will not be able to move back in with her. (Thankfully we are now bringing in a stricter supervisor who might actually be able to give us a clear picture of what is going on.)

I felt sad for them that they were missing their Mom. I felt sad for their Mom too. Here I was being spoiled rotten and she was by herself. But I really enjoyed being a Mom on Mother's Day. They awesome kids gave me something I don't know if/when I'll have the chance to have agian.