This is what my family looks like....

Blogger land has been EXTREMELY helpful to me this past year (my GOD its been a year!). I began following and reading some really articulate and interesting blogs by other Foster/Adoptive Parents and I can't thank them enough. I don't know any of the personally but none the less they have each helped me in some way even if it was just to know that there were other woman out there who go through the same things that I do. (Many of them have much, much more on their plates.) Jen over at A Nickles Worth of Common Sense is one of these wonderful people.

Race and ethnicity are sometimes complex issues but as Jen pointed out they can make life more beautiful and interesting. And despite having been with a hispanic (Puerto Rican) man for the last 10 years, five of which I've had a hispanic last name, I never really FELT the difference until my Mexican kids showed up. My beautiful dark haired, brown eyed, tanned kids who are a stark contrast to my fair Irish skin, Blue eyes, and light brown hair. The kids who speak an entire other language that I desperately wish I could remember from all of those college classes. And while there are times we are blown away by how similar they are to us I am well aware that they have lived in a world that is the polar opposite of mine.

They have been beaten and preyed on. They have been homeless. They have moved more times in 6 months than I have in my entire life. They have witnessed their mother being attacked and alcoholism in action. They have had family murdered and shot at. They have been on food stamps and shared 1 room in a house with 5 other families.

I have no idea what people think what when they see all of us together. My husband is hispanic but is most often mistaken for Italian. (I'm the Italian.) And I'm not sure I care what they think. But I do wish I could peal back the curtain and take a glimps to make sure they SEE that we ARE a family. We may not be from the same culture or socioeconomic status, or even cheer for the same baseball team but we are a family, even if it is "Just for now".

Saturday we are having a birthday party for Mr. Mohawk. He is turning 4 and we have invited the family and friends that have kids. In an effort to avoid any additional confusion or "kids say the darndest things" moments we talked last night about the guest list. This includes their previous foster family who's make up is of biological, adoptive, and fostering. And my cousin who's family is made up of a transracial international adoption.My Godchild who has half brothers who have half siblings and step siblings. It will be a mixed bag and as we were discussing it my heart was happy understanding just how much uniquness our family has. We aren't traditional and I wouldn't change that at all.

Who do we see tonight Mom?

Ok. I knew being a parent would be crazy and demanding. But when I pictured the life of a foster Mom I never imagined we'd have so many appointments. The two oldest have therapy with their mom on Monday, Tuesday their support therapist comes and the two younger kids therapist comes. Thursday is trauma therapy and Friday is there visits with their mother.

So Monday when Mom cancelled family therapy (and what could be more important at 8 pm on Monday night when you aren't working OR parenting) I was relieved. I was tired and really just wanted to hang out with the kids instead of sitting in a waiting room for an hour wondering what information I was going to have to unravel and explain to the kids. I didn't want to deal with trigger behavior or attitude. So when Gabby asked me, "Mom who do we see tonight?" I said we have a free night. And while there was initial excitement it then sank in that they were not going to see their mom. I could hear her brain turning. Starting to worry that her mom had gone to Mexico. Or was hurt. Or didn't care. She asked why and I answered honestly that I didn't know. I added that I was sure everything was fine and that no one cancelled the visit.

But I had triggered behavior anyway as she started to seek attention in the dorm of very low tolerance of her ADHD sister.

And I am exhausted. I wish nothing more than a day to sleep in but between work and weekend birthday plans I don't think it's in my cards.

Father's Day

I am writing this post on my new iphone. It makes me excited to be able to blog more frequently. Perhaps you are wondering how the permanency hearing went. The goal stayed return home in 12 months. A review hearing was set for three months to see how family therapy is going. (Currently the girls therapists are trying to stop therapy until Mom can admit responsibility and stop using the time for the kids to feel sorry for her and sharing with them that their Grandma was raped....Don't even get me started on it...wrong on so many different levels.)

So we celebrated Fathers Day with breakfast and handmade cards. It was nice to see the kids so excited. And before we get the day started with a BBQ at my parents house I just wanted to take a minute to acknowledge my husband.

I love him more today than I did when I married him. I didn't think it was possible. He is a fantastic Dad. He does dishes and laundry and takes time to explain how things work. He works hard to provide for us and pays the bills. He is fun and silly and he makes us all laugh. So on this first fathers day my prayer was that he gets to have lots more days where he gets to be a Daddy.

We are both Writing

Currently I am hiding in my room savoring the last few moments of peace and quiet I will get this morning. We bought a laptop since the computer was in the little guy's room and we found it challenging to use it at night when we actually have time. And since we have 4 children and our dog in our 2 bedroom loft townhouse we are simply out of space to move the computer to.

I have already broken up an argument, doled out tylenol (for sore breasts), discussed puberty and growth spurts and downloaded videos from vacation.

My husband got up early to help Jelly Bean write the sentences she was assigned last night for 1)calling another boy on the bus a B**** and 2)Lying about it 2 days ago when confronted. Because her Social Worker at school had her call and tell me about it when he got the notice from the bus driver.

Our two major rules are 1)Keep your hands to yourself. 2)Tell the truth. Punishment is doubled if you break either of these rules. Because Jelly Bean has been "grounded" from a lot of things we changed tactics with this punishment. As we have a big Memorial Day weekend planned this weekend we decided keeping her from participating would be ineffective. And boy were we right because when we sat down to talk about it with her she jump right away to "I know I'm not going...." WE said NO, instead you are going to write sentences. 10 - I will not lie, and 10 - I will not use bad words. But she escalated into a tantrum and by the end of it she had 100 sentences to write. And by the end of that she had to start over and eventually asked to go to bed understanding that if she didn't get it done in the morning she wasn't going to see Kung Fu Panda in 3 D with the family.

Now here's the rub - the other kids had lots to say about this. Mainly, that it wasn't fair that I was going to stay home with Jelly Bean because then THEY miss out on me. So the solution we came up to that was when they got home from the movie I would take the older girls to the scrap booking store.

The evening ended up with me crying. Frustrated that I feel like I'm failing this little girl who obviously is crying for help. Angry that a 7 year old gets me so worked up. Tired of the unknown and understanding that these kids are tired of it too. Wondering if this was the right decision in the first place and fearful of whatever outcome comes our way.

I got a good nights sleep and pretty soon I'm going to walk out of my room and feed these children and start the day all over again.