Bed Wetting

All of my kids came potty trained.  All 8 of them.  However, we've had our fair share of bed wetting. Bed wetting can be perfectly normal.  Some kids don't stop wetting until after age 9.  (9 is when urologists start running tests to rule out issues.) I have family members who wet until 11.

But where trauma is concerned it can often be situational and correlate with anxiety, stress and visits. (And I don't care how good of a parent you think you are, your kid will pee on the floor at some point right while you watch.)

Sarah has struggled on and off with wetting since I've known her. It was something she worked on with the previous foster family and she was mostly dry.  She wet on and off when she came here and then when her bio parents were really inconsistent and contact was more frequent we had a lot of wetting. She never saw the relationship between the wetting and the phone calls or visits but I sure did.

Then we moved and we were mostly dry again, unless there was a visit coming up or had just happened. But then May hit and the delay and the case and she began wetting daily.  Since she had such shame in it she began hiding the pee soaked sheets and pee soaked pull ups. Shoved in drawers, closets, and even the backpack that went to camp. It was maddening! It was fear based and she felt unsafe but it was still maddening!

So the last visit with Sheila was Saturday.  Friday night she wet so bad her pull up and sheets were soaked.  Saturday (Bio Dad's last visit) was better but also wet.  She has been dry since. 4 days in a row.

Coincidence? I think not.


 

Rules To Calm Sarah Down

As I mentioned, Sarah has been struggling.  I'm not sure if its the delay in the adoption or if this would have happened organically as she continued to attach.  (It's really easy to blame Bio Mom, but I have to admit, she probably would have done this anyway.) She gets so very angry.  Its hard to imagine, the peanut that she is, can scream the way she does.  Its shrill. Its primal. Its exhausting for both her and us.  But man when she is committed, she is committed.

Last week her therapist and her worked on a list of "Rules" for us to follow when she is tantruming as they are supposed to help her calm down. The rules include getting her a drink of water and a tissue, allowing her to use hand signals, and an order in which to hug her.

We used it earlier in the week while at a restaurant and it worked really well.

At home, not so much.  It was Father's Day and it was largely my fault. 

I just couldn't take finding the pee soaked pull up where it was not supposed to be for the 3rd day in a row, after discussing where it was to go the day before and the day before that.  Additionally, I discovered the offending pull up while investigating an alleged biting over a bracelet. 8 1/2 and 6 years old were the participating siblings. 

I yelled. I yelled loud.  And she started to cry and yell back.  And then we were stuck in the tantrum for an hour. I tried to let her follow her Rules.  Then she decided she was going to slam the water down on the table and splash it everywhere and rip the tissue I handed her into shreds and throw it on the floor.

I'm going to need a bunker when my girls hit puberty because if this is what it looks like at 8, I'm in some serious trouble.

Somehow, Hubby and I were able to get our wits back and try the "Rules" again. And we were able to get back to normal.  We are trying to remember that this is a healthy sign that we are parents she can yell at, but it sucks to be in this spot. For all of us.

We have a parent coaching session this week to keep moving us forward.  But really I just want to lay down and take a nap.  I think the stress is beginning to really take its toll on me.

UrINe or Your Out

I have waayyy toooo much Pee going on in my life right now. I said this to my husband last night and his response was “I was thinking the same thing. With kids there is a whole lot more pee.” True.

But I couldn’t help but be annoyed because it seems to me that I’m the only one actually DEALING with the urine. I’m the one who gets the kids up and dressed so he can take them to school. I figure I must mutter a variation of “did you go potty” at least 50 times a day. I also pick the kids up from school and get them home. Reminding them that its probably time to go potty. Again.

Have I mentioned that we are also trying to help Jelly Bean stop wetting the bed and have purchased a bed wetting alarm? And because of the nature of her abuse history and her age I have to be the one to help assist with the sensor and middle of the night wake ups. Most nights she gets up 2-3 times. (Except for last night where she slept through the night AND woke up dry!) And Mr. Mohawk he goes to the bathroom at least once during dinner and twice when we are out to eat.

*Side note We are going to Disney World in May and I was re-reading my trusty Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World (www.touringplans.com) and for the first read the chapter on Disney World with kids. And there was a paragraph about kids being able to ferret out bathrooms wherever they are while parents are pouring over the maps and I actually laughed out loud because this is so true.*

And its not just the kids. I’m also the one taking the dog potty because he’s “my dog”.

Do you know I work at a Urology Practice? My office is across the way from the patient bathroom. So besides answering the phone asking questions about stranger’s ability to pee I’m also listening to nurses ask for urine samples. ALL. DAY. LONG.

And still some days I make it to lunch and realize I myself haven’t peed. And that I need to go “peed” as my son says.