Who do we see tonight Mom?

Ok. I knew being a parent would be crazy and demanding. But when I pictured the life of a foster Mom I never imagined we'd have so many appointments. The two oldest have therapy with their mom on Monday, Tuesday their support therapist comes and the two younger kids therapist comes. Thursday is trauma therapy and Friday is there visits with their mother.

So Monday when Mom cancelled family therapy (and what could be more important at 8 pm on Monday night when you aren't working OR parenting) I was relieved. I was tired and really just wanted to hang out with the kids instead of sitting in a waiting room for an hour wondering what information I was going to have to unravel and explain to the kids. I didn't want to deal with trigger behavior or attitude. So when Gabby asked me, "Mom who do we see tonight?" I said we have a free night. And while there was initial excitement it then sank in that they were not going to see their mom. I could hear her brain turning. Starting to worry that her mom had gone to Mexico. Or was hurt. Or didn't care. She asked why and I answered honestly that I didn't know. I added that I was sure everything was fine and that no one cancelled the visit.

But I had triggered behavior anyway as she started to seek attention in the dorm of very low tolerance of her ADHD sister.

And I am exhausted. I wish nothing more than a day to sleep in but between work and weekend birthday plans I don't think it's in my cards.