Tears

So Hubby and I sat down to put together a transition plan of overnight visits for the kids - you know if you want something done, you need to do it yourself? If the team and the judge sign off and the visits go well it looks like they will return home on April 6. Just a week shy of us being a family for 2 years and a few months short of the kids being in care for 3. Since DCFS will follow them for a while it will be 3 years of the case being open.

So there I was yesterday bragging about our communication skills an then here we were tonight getting aggravated with each other. Emotionally charged topics tend to do that. I started to cry and then I noticed Hubby was also wiping away tears. It's hard to pick the day you lose your kids. I decided I don't want to be the one to take them to their Mom's for good. I want their case worker to come and pick them up. I don't want to leave them. And we will probably take that Friday before off of work and go do something fun.

I feel crushed. And it didn't help that Jelly Bean claimed a headache and stomach ache at school then have me the excuse in the car when I challenged the validity of the illness that seemingly came and went that she "wanted to make sure I spend enough time with you before I leave."