Then why did she have 4 kids?

This is a question I get asked all of the time. Why did she have 4 kids if she wasn't going to take care of them? People ask me this as if I have some insight into what my kids' Mother was thinking when she kept having babies.

I've asked the question for 9 months and I promise I am no closer to the answer than I was 9 months ago.

But generally, it's not one of HER 4 kids asking me. Until tonight when Gabby got frustrated and broke down. I was trying to explain (Agian. For the 700th time) why it's taking so long for her to move back into her Mom's care. No longer do I try to be Suzy Sunshine about it. I support the goal, I don't bash Mom, but I do give her the facts in an age appropriate manner because she's too smart and protecting her isn't really going to help her. She's too smart. So when she started crying telling me she's been in foster care for over a year and she doesn't want to be anymore I responded that her Mom is still learning how to take care of them the right way she challenged me with "well why did she have 4 kids then if she didn't know how to take care of us?"

These are the moments no amount of Pride classes can prepare you for. No cheesy video teaches you the best way to handle a question with so much weight behind it. I told her that I didn't know. That maybe her Mom didn't know that she should ask her. That at least she's trying to learn. But that doesn't help her. I'm not the one she needs to hear an answer from. I can help her identify her feeling and let her talk through them and tell her she's loved but in the end she doesn't want to hear it from me. She wants to hear it from her Mother.

It's hard to play second fiddle when you do so much work and the other person does squat. Especially when your life is directly impacted by them. But you don't get to be upset about it. It's maddening sometimes.