Feelings... nothing more than feelings.

Yesterday was our first DCFS Team Meeting for my kids' case. We were on a conference call with the therapists, the case worker, other foster parents, and their "really real" Mom.

Let me just say it started great then ended with me pretty steamed - and the therapist of my kids sisters. We shared first how we thought everything was going as our kids are the youngest. We talked about the feelings they have been having, how school was going, etc. We shared general stuff but enough to give the team a clue as to how the kids were coping with their 4th new house and visits now at Mom's house. Then the conversation turned to about their sister. And when the question was asked how they are progressing in therapy their therapist piped in with "I thought the foster parents were supposed to leave." Okay Jelly Bean and Mohawk's Mom and Dad we are done with you. You can leave now.

And as Jelly Bean would say WHAT?

Wait a minute. Thats fine that you don't need us to participate in the conversation any longer but dismissing us seemed really unfair - we didn't get a clear picture on how their sisters are doing (unlike their foster Mother who heard everything we said) and we didn't get specific in discussion with our therapist because we were trying to keep things confidential. so don't my kids deserve equal confidentiality protection in that case and more discussion in private?

So I said I understand. Going forward however I'd like it to be taken into consideration that the other parties were priveledged to hear everything about Jelly Bean and Mohawk and that was unfair. I said it with conviction and I tried to keep the bite out of my voice although with a cold that was kind of hard to do.

Then their sisters' therapist began to argue with me - that we didn't discuss anything confidential and I was like um we talked about how we thought therapy was going and their fears. Yeah maybe it wasn't confidential in its most literal sense but we also talked generally since everyone was listening. And she conceeded that perhaps I was right.

Something happened in my life almost exactly a year ago where I decided in situations where I felt I was getting a fair shake I was going to stand up for myself and say what I had to say. And this conversation was confirmation that I have learned to do that and in a semi-nice way as well.

So when Jelly Bean's therapist called me later to set up an appointment she right away told me she loved what I said. And that made ME feel really good and even happier that she's willing to drive an hour to see my children and my home so that they don't have to adjuct to ANOTHER change in their lives. And even more so since who they were going to be moved to was this snotty therapist on the phone.

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One of the things we did talk about with their therapist is that Jelly Bean doesn't like to talk about her feelings. She's expert in changing the subject when she thinks your fishing for information or you ask too many questions. So imagine my surprise when as we are driving home in the car from Kids Eat Free Dinner (Kids eat free??) she says to me. "Mommy sometimes it feels like there's this really big empty space inside my heart."

Wow?!? Thats pretty articulate for a kid who doesn't like to talk about feelings. So we talked about it. And then she changed the subject. And this morning I woke up to a kid who had a dry night from wetting the bed! YEAH!