This weekend we saw the kids. For the most part they are doing well. Jelly Bean is struggling though. And her Mom is at a loss as to how to handle. When we arrived at their house she said she needed to talk to me. She needed my help.
Never in my wildest dreams did I think we'd reach this place. A place where I am helpful. Not the enemy. Part of her team.
I listened to her talk about how helpless she felt. How she didn't know how to help her daughter. In what was one of the most sincere moments of my life I told her - its really, really hard to be Jelly Bean's Mom. She sat as we modeled how to handle a trantruming JB. Who was confused and angry we had shown up like we said we would. Several things he screamed at me were very telling: why are you still acting like my parent, why don't you just leave my life already, you don't love me.
She's been kicker her mother and her actions are what caused the babysitter to quit (although why a 23 year old with no experience with children was approved as a night time babysitter I'm still not clear about). It got so bad that the police were called to diffuse the situation. But from we're I stand it sounds like Mom is doing a really good job.
At least she reached out. I offered to help and she took us up on it. She called me the same night to see if I could get JB calmed down. She called me again Saturday night too.
Hubby and I finished packing up their room today. A pretty odd choice for Mother's Day but it the first day we've been home.
And in a really random turn the CASA emailed us with some information about a friend of hers and an adoption agency they had worked with. We didn't ask for it and had not heard from her since before the kids left.
For the most part I was ok today. I missed being treated to special tokens and attention today but I was glad that the kids were with their Mom for a change and that I had seen them. Knowing we are welcome in their life is a huge relief.
Happy Mother's Day to all the First Mom's, Last Mom's and all the Mom's in between. Thank you for all the wisdom you have shared with me and for all that you do for your families and children in need.
Long Overdue Update
Well hello there! It has been years since I've written and published a post and recently I've had the idea that maybe this year was ...
Awe I am so happy for you. It truely is wonderfull when you are able to become extended family to those we love and never want to loose. I have many children in my life who have more than one mom. Myself and bio mom. I love them all and morn the loss of those who for what ever reason do not stay it touch. It is so bittersweet when they move out. On one hand there is happiness at the family u were a part of helping. On the other you miss them dearly every day. I always say i know something was done right when it all works out and bio mom realizes the benifit in keeping in touch. Its hard cause the kids always seem to feel this sence of abandonment no matter how its done. keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if you follow other blogs on foster parenting, but I have found this blog to be worth reading.
ReplyDeletehttp://cherubmamma.blogspot.com/
The good and the bad of fostering.
R- we miss you. We need an R fix.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, though, praying for healing for you and your husband.
And the above poster made me lol. Little does anonymous know, CherubMama posts here all the time!