Waiting for the Phone to Ring

Well we finished our 2nd home inspection last week. Any day now we should get our license in the mail and even before it comes we may start to get calls. I am excited about where this journey may take us but I'm also bracing myself for the very real and very hard emotions that I know will come with it.

I've had a series of life changing "phone calls" in the last few months and I wouldn't put a single one in the positive category. The middle of the night phone call that my Grandmother passed. The text that my husbands estranged Grandmother passed. The Facebook alert that our family was not being considered for the baby girl being placed for adoption. The voicemail that my Grandmother's brother died of a heart attack last Saturday. So the fact that any day now my phone may ring and someone will be wanting to know if I'd like to take children into my home that may or may not stay, that may or may not have MAJOR issues, that may or may not become my children, that WILL be angry, hurt, confused, and scared has me just a tiny bit nervous.

Now don't get me wrong I understand that I signed up for this. This has been six months in the making. We have completed 27 hours of classes and filled out sheets and sheets of paperwork. And I have tried to prepare and educate myself as much as I could about what to expect. But that's the thing. No one can tell you XYZ are coming and you'll need to do ABC for them... And whether or not we get a placement depends on how far up the list we are or who else answers their phone. Or if I answer my phone which is something my husband was quick to point out to me.

Its this whole unknown piece that has me unnerved and I think a part of that is because I've been in this place of unknown for a while. Yeah yeah yeah - life is a mystery no one can know the future, yadda, yadda, yadda but I was in a place where I was fairly comfortable and confident in my world. Things made sense to me. I wasn't getting knocked out every other month by some new tragedy or challenge. The phone wasn't ringing to tell me people I loved were dead or that I needed to tell someone else that they loved was dead. I had a job I loved and was good at with people I ::Gasp::: LIKED. I wasn't going to doctor after doctor to be told that my condition was not responding to treatment or that at the moment pregnancy isn't possible. And of course I wasn't turning 30 then and wondering how my family was going to look in the next 5 years. And yet I signed up to become a foster parent to invite more unknown in??!!

Yes. Completely resolved, unequivocally yes. Because I have the family and love to give children who need a home and love and support for a little while or for forever. And because I know better than to second guess God's plan or pull. And while I may not understand that plan I can follow it the best way I know how. And apparently that means waiting for the phone to ring.