Snark

This high road thing really stinks and this week I wish I didn't have to take it. I'd much rather use snark and sarcasm. I'm more fluent in those...

I followed up with Caseworker #3 on when the legal screen for the case would be completed.  This is a step the department takes to ensure that if they go for TPR, they don't hit any snags. We were asked prior to the last status hearing to submit paperwork that was needed for the legal screen that said we were an adoptive resource. 

That was April/May. The Permanency Hearing is scheduled for September. How many months should this process take? 

So I followed up with Caseworker #3. She responded she didn't know anything but stated that it would be done before the Hearing. Umm. Ok. But that's the same thing you told me last month when you sat on my couch with no paper and pen. And because that's my 1st impression of you, you'll have to forgive me for not really believing you are on top of things. 

So naturally I asked for her supervisor's email and assistance escalating the issue. Do you know what happened?

She refused to give me the email. Telling me she needed consent to give it to me. But I could call and leave a message for her boss to return my call next week when she is back from training. (On a side note- if these people are always in training why is nothing ever getting done in foster care?) 

I explained that I was surprised at the refusal, given that all the other supervisors we've worked with have passed on the info readily. I also explained that there were delays and we wanted to ensure there were no more unnecessary delays. 

Her response? Delays are common in this field and she wasn't comfortable giving out the email but feel free to call the supervisor.

You've been in "this field" all of 10 minutes missy. I actually live "in this field". And my kids have been "in this field" on and off their entire lives. So don't tell me about delays. And while they are common, they are U.N.A.C.C.E.P.T.A.B.L.E.  Oh. No. No.No.No.

I will be contacting you daily until I get an answer. You will be sick of hearing from me. I work in the legal field. I know that those who complain the loudest get their requests back sooner.  And I will bark up the chain. You woke the Mama Bear and you will regret your flippant approach to her cubs.

But of course I can't approach it like that. That won't get me anywhere. I didn't respond to the email. I left a message expressing my concerns about a lack of communication for the supervisor. I CCd the GAL and will let her take up the fight. 

Sometimes Its Really Just About Chips

Simon and I were in the kitchen. I was making dinner. He was putting away the dishes. He had just finished his phone call with his Bio Mom and he says to me, "Mom? Do you think we will be here next summer?"

So I stop what I'm doing and get down to his eye level. I can sense this is an important conversation and so I wanted him to know he had my undivided attention.

"Well Simon, that is up to the judge. But I can say I'm pretty sure that you will be here next summer. How do you feel about that? Is that okay with you?"

He answered, "Okay. Do you think next summer when I have field trips you can get the chips with the green stuff on them?"

Puzzled I asked,"The sour cream and onion kind?"

"Yeah! Those. Thanks Mom."

Back To School

Back to school time is always full of stress for kids in foster care. The Quartet have never finished a full school year in one school. Ever. 

Think about that. The school year is August through May. They have never been in one place long enough to experience a 10 month stretch. So even though they are going back to the school they went to last year, we have a lot of anxiety going on. 

This also brought on an offer from Sheila to buy the kids school supplies. So I gave her the link. Then she said she was only going to get 1/2 of the lists. Then she asked me what grade her kids were in.

I am trying very hard to focus on the offer in the first place. But I'm not going to lie. It's hard. You say you love your kids and you are working to get them back but you don't know what grade they are in? I have a hard time understanding this thinking. There is not a lot of connection and it just breaks my heart. For them and for her. 

Work with the bio parents is what they teach. Co-parent whenever possible. What does that mean? Does that mean suggest to Sheila that she avoid talking about back to school even though she dismisses it? Does that mean overlooking she missed 1/2 (52%) of her phone calls in the past three months? Does it mean invite her to Kindergarten orientation? 

My mantra over the month and a half will be- her time is limited with her children. 

What a sad thought. I actually care a great deal about Sheila. She gave birth to some pretty spectacular kids. But I'm just tired of watching them struggle.

I am also totally over bio Dad. And if I'm being honest, I could give two toots about him, his rights, or his issues. He missed 1/2 of his available visits over the last three months. How hard is it to show up to a fast food restaurant for two hours a week? Really how long should kids be subjected to parents showing up 1/2 the time? I'm thinking that 9 months is unacceptable. The point of the visits is to prove you are stable and can handle your kids. Why are we subjecting the kids to someone who clearly isn't interested?And why are we spending money that could be going towards other things like quality healthcare, mental health services, or activities for the kids and parents actually making changes? They are issuing a summons to the next court hearing because Dad has never shown. NEVER.

Simon asked me the other day why he can't have his visits on the same day again. He reasoning: because then he only has one day of visits. (Only one day of worry and inconsistency). I also tallied the days Sarah has been wetting the bed and they are always on days of contact or scheduled contact with her bio parents. 

People ask us all the time isn't it hard? My new answer is not as hard as it is on the kids. I'm an adult. I can manage the stress. The kids can't.

Caseworker #3

The new caseworker, Number Three, came this week. In a moment of brilliance I had her and the CASA worker come at the same time. She walked in with her phone and two business cards. That's it. No case file. No pen. No paper. No calendar. The only reason I bothered to talk at all was because the CASA worker was there.

It took every ounce of restraint I had not to offer her a pad of paper and something to write with. I'm a very direct person and in almost any other situation I would have shoved note taking supplies at the person. This is a new office and I'm hoping to avoid a reputation. 

That's so sad. These people have so much control over the outcome of these kids and my life that I can't comment on someone coming unprepared to a meeting at my house. 

I gave the benefit of the doubt that she might have read the case file. No such luck. Now I'm hoping she has perfect recall or something. The only piece of information we got about the case was that the CASA (who acts as the GAL in the county the case is out of) is in agreement with the state that termination of parental rights (TPR) should be the goal at the next permanency hearing. Caseworker assured me that legal screening would take place before the next court date in September. I expressed skepticism as the paperwork was supposedly submitted in May. She of course blamed the transfer of the case. (In my head I screamed: These kids shouldn't have to wait longer because you people wanted to save money on travel reimbursement.)

We also found out that Dad is the Dad of both kids. I'm glad this piece is confirmed as it makes the termination process smoother. It does mean that the baby Dad's girlfriend just had is the sibling of my kids. (Assuming she isn't lying.) We have asked that if and when the kids meet their brother, that they be prepared with the therapists. The GAL is not in favor of them even meeting the brother as it is likely to be another loss. I'm not sure how I feel.