In the fall of 2019, I had reached out to Gabby (a senior in high school) as our dog wasn't doing great. The dog was always special to the Fab Four and I wanted to make sure if we had to say goodbye, that Gabby at least got a chance to do so.
Then in July she got Covid. At the same time the Uncle decided that Gabby and Little Mama needed to move out. Gabby decided that since all of her college classes were going to be on-line it made the most sense to come stay with us indefinitely.
So the last week of July 2020, she moved in.
The last 5 months have been a joy. An absolute joy. She's slid I to the family as of she's always been here. She's managing school and work and is incredibly helpful with the other kids and things like dinner.
It had been a while since I had really spoken to her beyond text messages. The last time we had seen her was for Father's day weekend in 2018 and Maria and Jelly Bean had given her such a hard time for spending time with us, we backed off in order to prevent any unnecessary drama.
Somewhere along the way (post reunification) Maria went from grateful for our support to resentful of our relationship with her children. That led to only Gabby really making an effort to stay connected. Little Mama had moved out of Maria's house shortly before her high school graduation (not inviting her mother to the ceremony) and decided it was easier to hate us. Jelly Bean was being so incredibly disrespectful, that I had to block her on my social media accounts. Mr. Mohawk was not really in the picture since he barely remembers living with us....
So when I suggested Gabby come spend a night or two to hang out even if the dog was going to be ok, she replied I'd love that but I have to go ask Anna.
I'm sorry who?
Turns out Gabby, Jelly Bean, and Mr. Mohawk were living with their Uncle and his girlfriend, Anna and her two children. Maria had gotten arrested for possession and intent to sell marijuana and cocaine nearly 11 months earlier and had been in jail the entire time. Too embarrassed and not wanting us to worry, Gabby didn't tell us.
The week after we found out Maria was in jail, the Uncle hit Anna's son in a drunken domestic disturbance and a DCFS investigation was opened. When we picked Gabby up for the weekend she cried almost the entire 45 minute drive to our house. I cried with her.
How could the police not call DCFS when Maria was arrested? How could they end up with the people who weren't cleared to be placements the first time they were in care? And there wasn't a whole lot we could do to help, aside from just show up for Gabby.
The week after we found out Maria was in jail, the Uncle hit Anna's son in a drunken domestic disturbance and a DCFS investigation was opened. When we picked Gabby up for the weekend she cried almost the entire 45 minute drive to our house. I cried with her.
How could the police not call DCFS when Maria was arrested? How could they end up with the people who weren't cleared to be placements the first time they were in care? And there wasn't a whole lot we could do to help, aside from just show up for Gabby.
During all of this, Jelly Bean was in a mental health crisis and ran away for an evening. As a result, Maria (from jail) decided Jelly Bean should go live with Little Mama and Mr. Mohawk would go live with a different relative, and Gabby would stay with Anna.
It was heartbreaking to watch Gabby loose her siblings all over again. We wrapped around her as much as we could. We hosted her for weekends and the holidays and started to help her finalize plans for college taking her on college visits and helping her with her financial aid.
As the pandemic hit we urged her to come live with us. She could finish school remotely and get a break before she had to leave for college. She decides she wanted to stay out so she could work as much as possible to save for school.
It was heartbreaking to watch Gabby loose her siblings all over again. We wrapped around her as much as we could. We hosted her for weekends and the holidays and started to help her finalize plans for college taking her on college visits and helping her with her financial aid.
As the pandemic hit we urged her to come live with us. She could finish school remotely and get a break before she had to leave for college. She decides she wanted to stay out so she could work as much as possible to save for school.
Then in July she got Covid. At the same time the Uncle decided that Gabby and Little Mama needed to move out. Gabby decided that since all of her college classes were going to be on-line it made the most sense to come stay with us indefinitely.
So the last week of July 2020, she moved in.
The last 5 months have been a joy. An absolute joy. She's slid I to the family as of she's always been here. She's managing school and work and is incredibly helpful with the other kids and things like dinner.
We've had some really amazing conversations about her time in foster care. And we've been able to spend some time with the rest of the Fab Four as well.
Maria was paroled and then immediately detained by ICE due to her conviction violating the terms of her green card. So we've been trying to support Gabby relative to this change as well. Maria's is likely to get deported and so Mr. Mohawk and Jelly Bean have been in a few different kinship placements.
Most recently Little Mama (20) took guardianship of Mr. Mohawk (14) and they are living with her boyfriend. She is struggling with this responsibility (in addition to work and school) and while we've offered to be a resource, we told them we could only agree to him living here if the Department officially got involved.
Jelly Bean (17) is living with her boyfriend and his parents who have given her a curfew. She seems to be doing well there and is working a part time job in addition to school.
The Fab Four is really angry at Maria as her choices have meant instability for them for the foreseeable future. Seperately, Gabby and Little Mama have each asked me if them going home was still the right decision. My heart hurts for them and how complicated their lives continue to be.
The Fab Four is really angry at Maria as her choices have meant instability for them for the foreseeable future. Seperately, Gabby and Little Mama have each asked me if them going home was still the right decision. My heart hurts for them and how complicated their lives continue to be.
