tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4691772200483536054.post8120832976254509233..comments2023-06-15T09:58:45.763-05:00Comments on Love's A State of Mind: Hard on mom?Foster Mom - Rhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10730691773432322264noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4691772200483536054.post-76559773103011584002012-07-25T00:23:44.754-05:002012-07-25T00:23:44.754-05:00I have never leagaly fostered but I help mothers w...I have never leagaly fostered but I help mothers who know they are in trouble to get straightened out before it ever gets that far. The ones who are smart enough to see something is wrong and do not need someone else to tell them. That makes it much easier I am sure cause they are already aware as it seems most of the foster kids moms felt they were doing just fine until athorities told them otherwise. I am sure they have issues with authorities too so that makes your job harder cause they want to play the system the kids and you to their benifit. I totally get all the work you do being erased by one visit and the acting out that happens after the kids see the Other parent. for me its the other parent for some fosters is the other parents as the case might be. Just know that after 16 years with my daughter and feeling like everything I had worked so hard for was wiped out in one weekend stay . And having the worst year ever last year it is all Soooooooooooooo worth it as I sit here today. She was learning all the stuff I worked on. Do not give up ever and the reward will always be worth the effort.julesterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17535978708344535230noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4691772200483536054.post-12051997141116601532012-06-25T17:10:43.316-05:002012-06-25T17:10:43.316-05:00I just spent all of my free time in the last two d...I just spent all of my free time in the last two days reading your entire blog. There is so much I want to say. I have a two year old bio son, a four year old second parent adopted from my female partner son, a nine year old foster son who has been with me for six months and have had four previous foster children. I love fostering and it is something I have ways known I would do, but I get incredibly frustrated by children's behavior and the behavior of their parents. My son's father is also working towards reunification but doesn't seem to have a job, a place to live or consistency in parenting. He also took his son to a movie during a three hour therapeutic visit and I too questioned the quality of that time spent together.Andreahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03758192069995017493noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4691772200483536054.post-41665485978947040372012-06-25T14:57:13.147-05:002012-06-25T14:57:13.147-05:00Ha! I am on the east coast so it wasn't as ear...Ha! I am on the east coast so it wasn't as early as it might seem.<br /><br />Of course you have readers (just seems to be not a lot who post)- you are on my daily weekday morning to-do list as I drink coffee. Cherub Mamma is too (praying this is over for your family in the blink of an eye).<br /><br />I normally don't post comments because my iPhone isn't really friends with blogger and time after time my comments are erased before they can even post. But this morning I just had to make sure you knew that Rebecca's comments were not representative of your (regular) followers. <br /><br />I, too, am disappointed that she deleted her post on this thread, especially seeing that she seems to be an attorney with experience in the system. I will say, that when one talks about the difference between the legal minimum to parent and parenting well, the gaps are huge. That is some of the frustration of foster parenting- we want the best for kids we care for and love (even if they do not legally 'belong' to us), and the courts have set minimum standards for biological parents to meet. <br /><br />Most parents are upset when their kids get subpar schooling,, food, etc. Imagine sending your kids to subpar parents! That's a concern many foster parents experience when working a concurrent plan without checks in place by professionals to prevent that from happening. <br /><br />Blogger R (you need a cutsie blog name for us to refer to you!), I think you explained beautifully why this case is so tough. I hereby grant you the 'I deserve to vent' award. You have earned it!!NewishFosterMomnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4691772200483536054.post-71101680941239129702012-06-25T13:29:46.393-05:002012-06-25T13:29:46.393-05:00Rebecca - I had subscribed by email to future comm...Rebecca - I had subscribed by email to future comments. I saw what you said to Foster Mom R. I'm sorry you felt the need to remove it from this post. You had some good things to contribute.<br /><br />Personally, I LOVE to hear the perspectives from others involved in "The System". In my experiences, I find it fascinating to watch the reactions of all the different people involved in the cases I've been a part of. And since I get so little face time with lawyers, I find your perspective very important. You have to factor in all the legal aspects of what we can and cannot do without "really" knowing the children. Your job is incredibly important.<br /><br />In my opinion, if you're reading foster parent blogs, you are trying to understand the full picture. I think that's awesome.Cherub Mammahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07220602185537450139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4691772200483536054.post-62804359054353380972012-06-25T13:21:00.398-05:002012-06-25T13:21:00.398-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.r.https://www.blogger.com/profile/16308261231346881996noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4691772200483536054.post-12785775275920224772012-06-25T12:57:35.790-05:002012-06-25T12:57:35.790-05:00I was gone over the weekend (and I'm in the mi...I was gone over the weekend (and I'm in the midst of my own batch of crazy) so I didn't get a chance to defend you. But defend you I do!!<br />We foster parents are in over our heads with System demands, bio parent demands, and all it takes to care for these children from the hurt places. I'm to a place where I believe that if you haven't fostered, you have NO IDEA what this feels like.<br />Blogging is my only form of therapy right now. And that means that sometimes I might say things that others don't fully understand. These stories are incredibly complex. A blog can only convey so much.<br />For what it's worth - I agree - this bio mom taking her children to the movies is a cop out! I haven't read all your archives and I haven't been reading for long...but this bio mom doesn't seem like she has the skills to parent her four children without a lot of LONG TERM support from (most likely) a team of people. And the damage that does to the kids, who are languishing in this limbo land of foster care, is horrific. It doesn't matter how wonderful of a foster home R provides, these kids still don't have permanency! That that complicates things more than anyone (other than a foster parent) can understand!!<br />Keep on doing a great job Foster Mom R. You rock!! And vent away. You deserve it!!Cherub Mammahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07220602185537450139noreply@blogger.com